Talking with Respect and Love

Doug Britton, M.Ed., MFT

$14.99

Discover how to listen to your spouse’s heart, replace silence with words that matter, have great conversations, avoid misinterpreting your spouse, and talk about problems without fighting.

Expect to change and grow. The practical, cross-cultural truths in these easy-to-read pages will make a big difference in your marriage—whether it is young-to-old, great to not-so-great.

This book is the fifth in Doug’s Britton’s eight-book “Marriage by the Book” series. These books help couples apply the Bible’s truths in every aspect of marriage. Although Talking with Respect and Love is part of a series, it stands by itself as a complete book.

Paperback: Wire “spiral” binding. 176 pages.
Published by LifeTree Books

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Get the Bundle

Save time — Order all eight books in the “Marriage by the Book” series as a bundle!

Talking with Respect and Love is:

Three-in-one

There’s no need to buy a separate marriage book, workbook, and leader’s guide for small groups—this book includes all three. You have the flexibility to use it however you want.

Bible-based

You won’t read secular advice with a sprinkling of verses. Instead, you will be transformed as you learn how to turn to God and apply his Word.

Cross-cultural

Since Laying a Solid Foundation is based on the Bible, its truths apply to every racial and ethnic group. When purchasing this book, you can choose a multicultural cover or an African-American cover.

“I have known Doug and his wife for many years. Many relationships in our church have been strengthened and enriched through the use of his ‘Marriage by the Book’ series.” Ephraim Williams, Pastor, St. Paul Baptist Church (Sacramento, CA)

Practical

This book doesn’t just tell you what to do—it shows you how to do it with easy-to-follow steps. Real-life stories and examples illustrate key points.

“Practical Practical Practical! ‘Marriage by the Book’ is for couples who really want a strong marriage. Doug Britton puts the cookies on a shelf where it’s easy to reach them, using the Bible plus simple exercises to do it! I recommend every couple go through this series in a date night or in a small group with other couples.” Tom Tunnicliff, Ed.D., Pastor of Chaplaincy, Elmbrook Church (Brookfield, WI)

Easy-to-read

Text is broken into small, easily-digested portions. Points are clearly identified with headings, bullets, and check boxes.

Interactive

“Make it personal” questions, quizzes, and exercises help you apply the lessons in your own marriage.

“‘Marriage by the Book’ is a life-changing series that will bring Christ into your marriage. The series will guide you step-by-step as you wrestle with the right questions, so you can see Christ-centered results. Whether your marriage is healthy and thriving or needing an overhaul…this series will help you. I know this because it’s helped my marriage.” Craig Sweeney, Lead Pastor, Heights Church (Citrus Heights, CA)

About the Author

Author and Bible-based Marriage and Family Therapist Doug Britton has helped hundreds of thousands of people as a therapist, clinical director of a treatment center, seminar speaker, radio co-host, and author of over twenty books. In each book of the “Marriage by the Book” series, Doug draws upon his extensive experience counseling married couples. More importantly, he goes directly to the Bible and applies its truth and wisdom to problems couples face today.

Chapter 1:
Make a Habit of Talking Every Day

(Sample)

Encourage one another daily. (Hebrews 3:13)

How many minutes a day do you and your spouse spend talking together? One? Fifteen? Sixty? In many marriages, the answer is closer to one than sixty. One spouse often feels unloved because the other rarely talks or only talks on a superficial level. Sometimes both live private lives, not sharing feelings, dreams, or fears. Problems remain unmentioned and unresolved. Conversations go little beyond “did anyone call?” and “what’s on TV tonight?” The couple slowly grows apart.

This is not what God intends. His plan for marriage is for husband and wife to unite in the closest of human relationships. His word, the Bible, calls husband and wife “one flesh.”

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

It is impossible to experience the closeness God intends without ongoing, intimate communication.

This intimate relationship is described in the Song of Songs (also known as the Song of Solomon). Solomon and his beloved yearn to be near each other, to know each other deeply. Listen as Solomon pleads with his love:

My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. (Song of Songs 2:14)

Later in the song, hear the woman cry out for Solomon’s presence:

I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him. (Song of Songs 3:2)

In the end, Solomon’s beloved found him, but many wives and husbands never find each other. They cry out with desire to be close, only to have their spouse ignore them.

Make it personal
Circle the number of minutes on average that you and your spouse talk each day:

1 5 10 15 20 25 30 40 50 60 60+

How many of these minutes are devoted to sincere sharing (not routine matters or simple plans)?

1 5 10 15 20 25 30 40 50 60 60+

If you do not talk together very much, how have you contributed to the problem?

Identify Your Excuses

There are countless reasons couples give for not talking much. Here are some common ones I hear in my counseling office. As you read, check each one that describes you.

Don’t be discouraged if you identify some communication weaknesses. Solutions for each one are offered throughout this book.

 “I can’t talk much because I am gone a lot.”
“I spend long hours away from home working, visiting friends or family, ministering to others, or playing sports.”

 “When at home, I’m too busy to talk.”
“There’s no time to talk. I’m too busy doing projects around the house, helping the kids with homework, ministering to others, reading, or unwinding in front of the TV.”

 “We’re so close, we don’t need to talk.”
“We’ve been married a long time. I feel close to my spouse and enjoy being together without talking. We already know each other’s opinions on everything, so there’s nothing that needs to be discussed.”

 “I’m uncomfortable discussing my feelings.”
“I rarely share what is on my heart with my spouse. It makes me nervous to talk about my emotions.”

 “I don’t know what to talk about.”
“They say that communication is important, but I have no idea what to talk about. If we aren’t having problems, what is there to discuss?”

 “I don’t know how to start a meaningful talk.”
“I would like to discuss things that really matter, but I don’t know how to get the conversation going.”

 “I’m the quiet type.”
“In my opinion, most questions can be answered just fine with one word, a nod, or a grunt. I often say, ‘I don’t care’ when asked my opinion. I rarely ask questions or volunteer information.”

 “I don’t want to talk because we’ll argue.”
“I dislike talking because all our conversations end up in arguments. Why talk when I know how it will end?”

 “My mind drifts when my spouse speaks.”
“I am not a good listener” or “my mate is pretty boring most of the time.”

 “My humor annoys my mate.”
“I joke around a lot. My spouse doesn’t think I’m funny and wishes I would be more serious.”

Make it personal
Do any of the above statements sound familiar? Or have you used any other excuses for not talking? If so, list the three that best describe you.

Now write a prayer asking God to help you deal wisely with these communication weaknesses.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do so many marriages have problems?
Most marriages start out with two people who are certain they can craft a wonderful union. Yet as the years go by, many never experience the passionate, joyful life they expected. Author Doug Britton says a key reason is that most people do not know how to create a great marriage God’s way.

Is my marriage hopeless?
Regardless of your situation, there is hope—the sure hope that comes from God and the truth of his word, the Bible.

What if my spouse won’t read with me?
It’s ideal if you both read this book. However, if your spouse doesn’t want to join you, read it on your own. Learn how to be the best husband or wife possible. God can perform miracles in your personal life—and in your marriage—even if you study on your own.

Can I use this book for pre-marriage mentoring?
Yes. It covers the most important truths couples need to know at the beginning of their journey together.

Learn More

What are some topics covered in “Talking with Respect and Love”?
In these pages you will discover many Bible-based insights and practical tools. A few examples:

How to replace silence with words that matter
How to talk about problems without fighting
How to get conversations going
What to do if you talk too much (or too little)
How to go beyond “active listening”
How to avoid misinterpreting your spouse
Ways to bring up problems without hurting your spouse

Digging deeper
God’s plan for a marriage is for a husband and wife to unite in the closest of human relationships. That’s why the Bible calls a married man and woman “one flesh.” It’s impossible for a couple to experience the closeness God intends without ongoing, intimate communication.

Many married couples have bad communication patterns. Many couples rarely talk, or they only talk on a superficial level. Sometimes both live private lives, not sharing feelings, dreams, or fears. Problems remain unmentioned and unresolved. Conversations go little beyond “did anyone call?” and “what’s on TV tonight?” The couple slowly grows apart.

In some marriages, couples constantly argue. They haven’t learned how to discuss difficult topics with respect and love. They treat each other as enemies, not intimate friends.

Do any of the following statements sound familiar? (Each of the following comments could refer to either the husband or wife.)

My husband doesn’t talk. He just grunts.
It turns into an argument every time we talk.
My wife never stops talking. I don’t have a chance to say anything.
We only talk about superficial things. I yearn for a meaningful conversation.
Our house is like a morgue. The silence is awful.
My husband says “I don’t care” when I ask his opinion.
I never get her full attention. She’s always doing things while we talk.
We only talk about problems. Who needs that? Isn’t life supposed to be fun?

If these comments sound familiar, don’t be discouraged. Doug Britton goes directly to the Bible to dig out its wisdom and apply it to the issues couples face today. As you learn and practice what God says about communication, Jesus will make dramatic changes in your marriage.

Marriage by the Book — 8-Book Series

Multicultural Covers

African-American Covers

Marriage by the Book — 8-Book Series

Reviews

“Doug Britton’s ‘Marriage by the Book’ series is the most thoroughly biblical, deeply practical, and user-friendly marriage resource I have seen in thirty years of study and use. These books provide clarity, relevance, and biblicity for self-study, mentoring or small group leadership, and are so well written that lay leaders can use them immediately without having to be experts. They will positively impact your marriage and the marriages of those you lead.”

John Morrison
Family Life Pastor, Fellowship Bible Church (Winchester, VA)

“’Marriage by the Book’ has allowed us to empower and impact hundreds of marriages from a biblical perspective. Couples who were on the path to divorce are happily married today because of studying these books.”

Samuel Gordon
Associate Pastor, Capital Christian Center (Sacramento, CA)

“’Talking with Respect and Love’ has been very, very helpful. We like the spiritual aspects of it; the biblical verses in every chapter hit home for our group. Putting it all together at the end of the chapters helped couples make concrete plans. It’s just been great for everyone—newly-married couples, people who have been married before, and couples who have been married many years.”

Vern and Carol Hagedorn
Small Group Members, Bethesda Lutheran Church (Hot Springs, SD)

“We used Talking With Respect and Love from the ‘Marriage by the Book’ series in a small group of mostly young-married couples…. The whole group enjoyed this study.”

Will Holder
Small Group Leader, Asbury Church (Petal, MA)

What is “Marriage by the Book?”

Talking with Respect and Love is book 5 of the eight-book “Marriage by the Book” series.

Each book is written by author, speaker, and Bible-based Marriage and Family Therapist Doug Britton.

This book works as three-in-one:

Book — with practical, Bible-based real-life information.
Workbook — with quizzes and “Make it personal” questions scattered throughout each chapter.
Small group leader’s guide — with guidelines for small group leaders and chapter-by-chapter discussion questions at the back of each book.

FAQ

How will reading “Talking with Respect and Love” help us change?
This book doesn’t just tell you what to do. It shows you how to do it, with:

Self-assessment quizzes to identify reasons for problems
“Make it personal” questions throughout the book (with space to write your answers) that help you apply the lessons
Exercises you and your spouse can do together
Personal plans to help you grow in six key areas of your marriage

Is “Talking with Respect and Love” only for troubled marriages?
Nope. It is for every kind of marriage, great to not-so-great. Whatever your situation, you will find practical insights and tools that will help your marriage flourish and grow.

Is this book for new marriages or long-time marriages?
Its practical, Bible-based advice will strengthen and bless your marriage, whether you are newlyweds or you have been married for decades.

Is this book cross-cultural?
Yes. Since it is based on the Bible, its truths apply to every racial and ethnic group. When you place your order, you can choose a multicultural cover or an African-American cover.

Can we use this marriage book for a small group study?
Yes. Talking with Respect and Love includes a small group leader’s guide with:

Tips for leaders
Step-by-step meeting plan
Discussion questions for each chapter

What are some topics covered in “Talking with Respect and Love”?
In these pages you will discover many Bible-based insights and practical tools. A few examples:

How to replace silence with words that matter
How to talk about problems without fighting
How to get conversations going
What to do if you talk too much (or too little)
How to go beyond “active listening”
How to avoid misinterpreting your spouse
Ways to bring up problems without hurting your spouse

What if my spouse won’t read this book with me?
It’s ideal if you both read this book. However, if your spouse doesn’t want to join you, don’t say, “I’ll read it, but only if you will.” Instead, learn how to be the best husband or wife possible. God can perform miracles in your personal life—and in your marriage—even if you study on your own.

Is this a good book for pre-marriage mentoring?
Yes. It covers key communication guidelines couples need to know at the beginning of their journey together.

Why do so many marriages have problems?
That’s a great question. After all, most marriages start out with two people who are certain they can craft a wonderful union. Yet as the years go by, many never experience the passionate, joyful life they expected. After helping approximately 1,000 marriages, Bible-based Marriage and Family Therapist Doug Britton says a key reason is that most people do not know the Bible’s instructions about how to create a great Christian marriage—or they don’t know how to apply the instructions.

Why do readers say they like “Talking with Respect and Love”?

It is practical, cross-cultural, and Bible-based.
Text is broken into small, easily-digested portions.
Points are clearly identified with headings, bullets, and check boxes.
The writing style is direct and straight-forward.
Real-life stories and examples illustrate key points.
“Make it personal” questions help couples apply the lessons.
Each chapter is summarized at the end of the chapter.
Wire binding makes it easy to write in the book.