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Evaluate Yourself if Your Spouse is Jealous

Be honest with yourself — You may be part of the problem

Doug Britton, MFT

Page Summary
Summary: Do you have a jealous husband or a jealous wife—or perhaps a jealous boyfriend or jealous girlfriend? If so, you know the frustration of dealing with false accusations. On the other hand, you may have helped set yourself up. This online self-evaluation will help you see if you played a part in the problem.


This is adapted from Overcoming Jealousy and Insecurity: Biblical Steps to Living without Fear. Feel free to print this study out and use it as a worksheet.

Are you married to someone who is jealous or insecure? If so, you may have heard repeated accusations that you flirt with—or stare at—others. You may have defended yourself hundreds of times.

Pray for insight

You may have done nothing wrong to prompt your spouse’s accusations, yet you may have contributed to the problem in ways you have not seen. Ask God to help you see clearly as you read this study, for if you are like most people, you will find it difficult to see yourself accurately. The Bible illustrates this problem when it says our hearts are deceitful.

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? “I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve.” (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

Am I suggesting that it’s all your fault if you have a jealous husband or jealous wife? No. It’s possible that your husband or wife has a serious problem with jealousy and insecurity and you should talk with your pastor or a biblical counselor. However, be sure to honestly evaluate your part. It’s possible you helped create the problem.

Evaluate yourself

Check each of the following that sometimes applies to you.

___  Do you do or say things to get a reaction?

___  Do you feel more desirable or attractive when your spouse is jealous?

___  Do you think it is cute when your mate is jealous?

___  Do you flirt with others?

___  Do you look at pornography?

___  Do you watch TV sitcoms or movies that highlight sexual innuendoes?

___  Do you stare at others?

___  Do you deny staring when your spouse confronts you—even though the accusation was true?

___  Do you make complimentary comments about others of the opposite sex?

___  Are you developing an emotional relationship with someone else?

___  Are you having an affair?

___  Do you emphasize physical attractiveness in your compliments?

Note: If you emphasize physical attractiveness in your compliments, your spouse may be insecure in your love, thinking you love him or her for physical reasons and not for his or her inner qualities. Your spouse may fear becoming less attractive and losing you.

Be honest with your spouse

If one or more of the above points applies to you, be honest with your spouse. Don’t tell him or her, “You have a problem,” or, “It’s all in your head.” Instead, tell the truth, ask for forgiveness, then go to work on making the changes you should make.

Personal application

Have you been part of the problem?   ___ Yes   ___ No

If you checked “yes,” write how you have contributed to your spouse’s insecurity, and then write a plan to regain his or her trust.

  • How I have contributed:
  • My plan to regain trust:
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About Doug Britton, MFT

Doug Britton, Bible-based Marriage and Family Therapist, has helped hundreds of thousands of people as a therapist, clinical director of a treatment center, seminar speaker, radio cohost, and author of over twenty books that show how to apply God's truths in your daily life. (Visit www.dougbrittonbooks.com.)

Copyright © 2020 Doug Britton. Permission granted to print for personal use. (Scripture verses are from the New International Version, copyright © 1984.) See reprint policy.

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